A conversation

The set up: Jeff loves to buy domain names. It is one of his get rich schemes - someday someone will want to buy one of his domain names and be willing to pay $10 million for it. One of the domain names he bought two years ago is www.gretchencutler.com.

The name is now up for renewal. He either pays $8/year to keep the domain name, or it goes back into the pool to be potentially snatched up by someone else.

Jeff: "What do you want me to do with that domain name?"

Gretchen: "I don't know. I mean, if we were to get married in like TWENTY or THIRTY years I don't know if I'd take your last name."

Jeff, with great sincerity: "Yeah, I know."

Gretchen: "When I get all moony about wanting to get married to you I think that maybe I would take your last name. And I've never wanted to take someone's last name. And then I think, 'But I'm Gretchen Kinder. I've been Gretchen Kinder for 39 years'."

Jeff: "You are 39?"

Gretchen: "Hey, look at all of these cuts on my arm!" (She raises her arm to reveal a series of small scratches on the underside of her forearm.)

Jeff: "How did you get those?"

Gretchen: "From carrying too many grocery bags on my arm."

Jeff: "Maybe we should name you Gretchen Clutzo instead of Gretchen Cutler!"

Gretchen: "And maybe we should call YOU Jeff Clutter instead of Jeff Cutler."

Jeff: "Well played, well played."

Cats and discipline

I'm a softy when it comes to discipline...until I'm pushed to the edge.

While I'm not there yet, the cats could be sending me into a life of insomnia because I'm often worrying that they'll pluck out my eyes while I sleep.

Have you any advice for a concerned cat parent? Mostly I need to know so I don't hurl the cats across the little house.

Thanks.

Cat Crap and Other Delights of Feline Parenting

Have you ever stepped in cat poo on the way to the shower in the morning? Me neither. But it would be bad.

That doesn't mean it's not going to happen soon, because with two new kittens in the house there's an endless supply of kitten detritus at cat level all over our abode.

Here's a list...

Three crumpled receipts rescued by cats from various waste baskets

Two stuffed squeaky bones - a purple and a yellow

One plastic cage ball with bell inside

One tennis ball with a loose rubber bead inside

One hippo - stuffed

One plastic milk jug cap

One compass with long lanyard

One wicker garbage can - probably a former receipt repository

Two purple socks

One orange earplug

One yellow iPod sock

Four men's shoes

One squishy - stress-ball - turkey

One blue cup

What's on the floor around your house? Do you have kids or cats...and which are worse?

One way men and women are different

I just got back from a short business trip. Stepping into the house and becoming readjusted to my surroundings after three and a half days in Marriott splendor on Tampa Bay, I noticed that the dirty dishes in the sink looked suspiciously like the dirty dishes that were in the sink the morning I left town.

I said to Jeff,"I can't believe you let those dishes stay in the sink so long!"

"Huh?" he said, peering into the sink.

"That same pot has been 'soaking' for more than four days!" I exclaimed.

"Four days?! That's not a long time for dirty dishes to be in the sink."

"How long do YOU think is too long for dishes to be in the sink?" was my retort.

"An entire freshman year. THAT is too long," was Jeff's satisfied answer.

Kittens Inspired by Kittens!

Jeff and I now have kittens. Two beautiful, active, and affectionate kittens. Adopted from litters had by two of my niece cats in Syracuse, the kittens are named Ducky and Brisket. A month into our feline parenting adventure these are some of the lessons I've learned about myself (and Jeff) in the role of nurturer:

1. I wish we had waited until we got the kittens to name them. Not that Ducky and Brisket aren't fantastic names - they are. But, I would have named Brisket "Mr. Softee" and in the beginning Jeff was aching to call Ducky "Crumpet." Kittens, I imagine like children, may in fact be born with a name that the parents have to uncover over time.

2. I am, like Brisket, a softy. Jeff is much firmer about following rules than I am. I imagine this is because I am a parent who works outside of the home. I often say goodbye to the kittens at 5:45 in the morning, only to come home dog tired by 7:00 at night. I want them to know they are important to me but don't always want to sit for hours at a time with them in my lap. So I give them treats instead and quietly - rather than loudly - admonish them when they position themselves to jump onto the dining room table.

3. I am a terrible relaxer. See point above re: not relaxing with the kittens on my lap. I AM finding myself more able to enjoy their antics and to laugh out loud during kitty smack down episodes that involve Brisket leaping off the back of the futon onto Ducky with extraordinary kitty gusto.



4. Jeff and I would be good parents to little people, if we chose to be parents to little people. We negotiated the rules and standards for the cats ahead of time, have stopped to renegotiate or gently redirect the other in times of weakness or in the face of new information, and have been diligent about spreading our attention between the cats and each other. We talk earnestly about their bathroom habits, their play routines, their sleeping patterns and their kitty litter as any new parent would discuss toileting, social and physical development, and diapers. I feel proud of our kitty parenting and believe we will have calmer, better adjusted, and sweeter kitties because of it.

5. We are excellent at cooperating on cat care. We made a list of questions for the vet before our first visit so we were both prepared and could hear the other's fears so there were no surprises with Dr. Stevenson. We took turns soothing the kittens after their blood was drawn and shots were given. One of our kittens has apparent GI problems and we both did our part to handle the follow-up work assigned by the vet. (Jeff's gag reflex, I'm happy to report, is not nearly as strong as mine. Which is good, because SOMEONE had to lift the watery stool out of the box and put it in the clean sour cream container to take the vet for testing.)

6. I actually don't mind the drudge work. I'm in charge of changing the kitty box. DAILY. Which one might imagine would be a drag. But I have so few daily routines that this actually creates an anchor for me in the morning - a time to check in with the kittens (who assiduously monitor the litter scooping to make sure I'm doing it right) and their health. Jeff and I also share some of the kitty care tasks - like feeding them, changing their water, keeping windowsills clear and picking up their toys. I wasn't expecting this division of labor and feel proud of our shared investment in the work of kitten parenting.

7. While we both have worriers inside of us, neither Jeff nor I are helicopter parents. Our side on the "indoor vs- outdoor" debate is not in question. We are clear that our cats will be outdoor cats when they have had all of the requisite vaccinations and are properly spayed (Ducky) and neutered (Brisket). Googling the phrase "outdoor cat" results in a bombardment of messaging about how terrible it is to let your cat outside - they will live a shorter, more stressed out life if you let your cats go outside. You are a terrible cat parent and an animal hater if you let your cats go outside. While the former may be true (and the latter just judgmental BS), Jeff and I agree that a shorter but HAPPIER life for the kittens is more important than a long and neurotic life. For them and us.

8. It is interesting how easily we have fallen into the parent nomenclature. Jeff refers to me as "mom" when he is talking to the cats. Conversely Jeff is "dad" when I speak about him to the kitties. I call Brisket my "son" and Ducky is my "daughter." I don't actually want to parent a human child, but apparently am comfortable with being called mom. Or maybe I'm only comfortable calling myself mom when talking to my cats.

Check back here regularly for updates, pictures and videos. We'll tally the amount of money spent on the cats (more than $475 so far between vet bills, litter, and other start up costs), and share more stories from our little parenting adventure. We're proud parents and can't wait to share our "kids" with you.

Sofa Bed Night

One of the rituals of our tiny tiny family is Sofa Bed Night.* At least once every two weeks - usually on a weekend - we haul all of our bedding into the living room, pull out the sofa bed, and crash for the night in the living room. Falling asleep to the flicker of the television is comforting to me. And Jeff and I often switch "sides" on sofa bed night, so the bed time snuggling is different.

Sofa Bed Night is often inspired by an unfinished project in the bedroom - 10 loads of unfolded laundry piled on the bed, changed sheets that haven't quite made it to fully made bed stage. We had Sofa Bed Night last night because we're in the middle of fixing the underbed drawers and clothing is everywhere.

I love Sofa Bed Night.

What I don't love is Sofa Bed Night the morning after. My body is always a little tight and ouchy because our double stuffed futon mattress just doesn't compare to the Bob-O-Pedic. The living room is littered with bedding and other night time detritus. I can't use the couch as a couch which only exacerbates the ouchy tightness. And, the mess in the bedroom is still a mess in the bedroom.

*Sofa Bed Night is a ritual we learned from my younger sister, ELR and her family. Not only have Jeff and I adopted it as one of our rituals, but my older sister HTP and HER family have also adopted it as a special treat. Feel free to adopt Sofa Bed Night for your family too!

The Bickersons

"How are you?"
"We've been the Bickersons lately."
"The Bickersons?"
"Yeah, we can't stop fighting."

WHY haven't the dishes been put away yet?
You SAID you were going to make the bed today? Why isn't it made?
I'm upset about being hiccuppy still and its making me cranky.
Why don't you validate MY solution to the problem of the broken (insert broken thing here)?
I am BUSY chatting with these strangers online. You need to STOP TALKING until I am done.
The kittens love you better. Why don't they hang out with me?
SOMEONE has moved my cheese. WHO moved my cheese?

This is an representative sample of the fights that have started between us - TODAY alone. We have been bickering like crazy.

What are the dumbest things you fight about?