Duped

Jeff called me at work at 3:40 PM to ask if I would be at the office in the next few minutes.

"I have a meeting at 4:00," I replied.

"Okay, I'll hurry over there. I have something to give you."

"Oooh!" thought I. Earlier in the day Jeff and I had a virtual exchange about the possibility of ice cream which didn't pan out. But I knew HE had gone for a scoop or three with a friend and I immediately assumed he was bringing me an ice cream treat as solace for my inability to get out of the office to get my own.

4:00 rolls around and there is no Jeff, so I head into the conference room to run what I think is going to be a 30 minute meeting. All the while I'm day dreaming about the ice cream sundae Jeff is bringing to me. "Will he know to put it in the freezer if I'm not at my desk?" I continue, "Maybe someone will tell him to find me in the conference room and he'll hand deliver a banana split." Panicked for a moment I also thought, "Gosh! What if the place gets locked up and he can't get in? Will he eat MY ice cream? Will he wait in the parking lot with it?"

I look up at the clock and realize the meeting has been dragging on for 70 minutes. I excuse myself and run to my office, imagining a small Ben and Jerry's cup in a ceremonious puddle on my desk. But no. What I find instead is a thermal bag from the Lindt chocolate store standing upright in the middle of my workspace. I think to myself, "Do they serve ice cream? Ohh! I bet it is good!" I open the bag eagerly and find three pounds of their famous truffles. "Huh. This is odd. I bet Jeff got them for free and he thought I might enjoy them because work has been SO stressful lately. It isn't ice cream, but it is nice."

I grab the bag and head back to the conference room where the meeting is breaking up. I open each of the bags of truffles and offer them to my colleagues, and then fill our chocolate bowl.

*****

Later I speak with Jeff and learn that the truffles weren't a gift for me, but rather candy he bought for himself that he wanted me to ferry around on his behalf.

*grumble*

Zombie Squirrels

"You know how the squirrels have been taking the top off the bird feeder at home?" This is the question Jeff asks me during our drive-home check-in. "Well, there is one less squirrel in the neighborhood to steal our bird's tasty treats, because I hit a squirrel today while driving to work."

"WHAT!?" I shrieked while sitting in traffic on 93 South, "Did you stop to help it?"

"Well, I would have stopped to check on the squirrel if I hadn't hit it with both wheels AND if the two cars behind me hadn't hit it also."

"You killed another creature today! How can you stand it!?"

"Well, I wasn't happy about it when it happened, but it was only a squirrel."

I continued to moan into the phone, bereft with grief over the loss of the rodent life. "When I'm not overwhelmed with worry about becoming homeless or losing my hair I worry about hitting and killing small animals. I can't even drive over the flattest deadest roadkill without feeling like I'm crushing the animal's soul."

"If you are that concerned," Jeff nonchalantly replied, "why don't you check on the squirrel when you get home. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to see it in the road. And, if it is there can you go home and get the shovel..."

I interrupted. "I'm not going to check for the dead squirrel and I may not even go home tonight. Because I'm pretty sure there is a zombie squirrel waiting on our porch to kill me."

If we were married....

It is 9:09 PM. Jeff just asked me "If we were married would you make me an omelette right now?"

I simply stared. Incredulously. And then I laughed.

An inventory of our counter

Is it any wonder Jeff is so satisfied, and my belly issues are acting up? Consider this inventory of food items on our counter:
1. Assorted 1/2 bagels
2. Girl Scout cookies (2)
3. Blueberry coffee cake
4. Shortbread fingers
5. Seaweed
6. 1/4 a bottle of wine
7. 1/2 loaf of white bread
8. 4 white bread hamburger rolls
9. 3 bananas
10. 1/2 bag of pretzels
11. Mostly empty box of Godiva chocolates
12. Mostly full box of LA Burdick's chocolate.

Squirt

A piece of asparagus accidentally squirted out of my mouth tonight while Jeff and I were at fancy Valentine's Day dinner. We were at one of the most reputable sushi places in Boston and I was eating a beef/shrimp roll stuffed with asparagus and scallion smothered in teriyaki sauce. The 3/4" piece of asparagus slid between the shrimp and scallion inside the beef roll, arced out of my mouth and landed on the table in the middle of Jeff and me.

And then I almost died laughing. Really she said.