No Cat Disease

Childless by choice I often find myself having awkward conversations about babies with random strangers. In these conversations I give various explanations as to why Jeff and I choose not to have kids. "We love to travel and know we wouldn't have the money or the flexibility to travel the way we like to if we had kids," and "I give so much to children at work that I know there wouldn't be anything left over for my own children," are two of the more inane excuses. "I know parenting is a lot of work and I just don't have it in me," "We're both pretty selfish and would have a hard time with parenting," and "I've never had that burning desire to be a mom that drives so many women I know" are among the more honest and crass answers to the question, "Oh, you don't have kids? Why not?"

I was shopping for baby clothes for several friends who are in some state of pregnancy or new parenting the other day. A kindly older woman was ringing me out and making idle conversation about the pieces I had purchased. Inevitably she asked me if I had any kids. "No I replied. My partner has a chronic illness and he has decided NOT to take a risk and pass it on to any children." (This is a GREAT excuse to use if I want to abruptly end a conversation.) I continued with the sales clerk, "So we have the joy of visiting with other people's babies, and then going home together to be with our cats."

"Cats?" she said skeptically, "You have cats?" I felt a rush of judgment coming on. The clerk continued, "I've never met anyone who had a chronic illness who could also have a cat."

Dumbfounded I cocked my head at her and mentally began cataloguing all of the chronic diseases I knew of that didn't involve breathing - cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, Huntington's Disease, Addison's Disease, Crohn's Disease, Colitis, any number of heart ailments. The list could go on. Then I looked back at the clerk, politely accepted the bag of gifts I had just purchased and walked out of the store without saying another word.

Here kitty kitty kitty!

I was so paralyzed with the responsibility of naming my first cat that the poor orange tiger ended up being called "Blankety Blank" by my entire family. That was his name because they got so sick of waiting for me to make a decision. I did better with the next one - a white bruiser that I called Coconut.

Jeff and I are getting a cat in just a couple of weeks. A soft gray kitten with a white blaze in the middle of his (her?) forehead. (This is not a picture of our cat, but a representative picture of a cat,)

And we're squabbling over what to name the cat. Firmly set in our respective positions we're now turning to you - our friends, family and followers - to give your input into our cat's name. Visit our online cat name survey and register your opinion. One question - this should take 15 seconds. Seriously.

We'll post the final decision before we pick "Whats His Name" up from the pet store aka my brother's house in beautiful Syracuse, NY.

If we were married....

It is 9:09 PM. Jeff just asked me "If we were married would you make me an omelette right now?"

I simply stared. Incredulously. And then I laughed.

Squirt

A piece of asparagus accidentally squirted out of my mouth tonight while Jeff and I were at fancy Valentine's Day dinner. We were at one of the most reputable sushi places in Boston and I was eating a beef/shrimp roll stuffed with asparagus and scallion smothered in teriyaki sauce. The 3/4" piece of asparagus slid between the shrimp and scallion inside the beef roll, arced out of my mouth and landed on the table in the middle of Jeff and me.

And then I almost died laughing. Really she said.

Our driveway isn't ours - or so you'd think.

CF and I have about had it with neighbors who allow their dogs to go the bathroom on our driveway. It's bad enough that people allow their pets to crap on lawns and on trails in the woods (hiking trails mind you!), but letting your dog dump one right on a driveway has got to be the most evil act ever.



What's the deal?

If you get a dog, you've signed on to look after and love that animal...FOR LIFE. That entails picking up after the animal, keeping it leashed (if that's the law) and training your pet so it doesn't terrorize humans.

Unfortunately, the same idiots who are having children and then letting them run rampant are the same geniuses who are buying dogs and then neglecting them after the novelty wears off. My newest cause is a waiting period for pet buyers - just like they have for gun purchasers.



Yes, we have an overpopulation problem in the kennels and pounds, but that doesn't mean we should be letting people with the IQ of a walnut acquire a living, feeling being that needs to be trained.

One of the discussions around the house has involved the moving of the automatic light sensor so it goes off whenever anything comes into the boundaries of the property. We've also discussed putting up signs.

Lastly, we talked about taking shifts sitting on the porch with the pellet gun.

To be clear, our driveway isn't paved and is often unused as we like to park on the street. But with the recent snowstorms we've moved into the parking pad. So, what makes a person walking their dog decide that it's a good idea to let their mutt crap in the same location as two automobiles?

Today it's rainy and 50 degrees, so the feces is starting to deteriorate and would adhere nicely to the bottom of my sneakers if I'm not careful. How about letting Fido crap near the telephone pole where nobody walks? Or better yet, bring a bag with you and pick it up!



I'm not sure what to do short of putting electrified fencing around the property line. Maybe I'll set up some motion cameras so I can track the animals that are crapping on the driveway and lawn and then email the photos to the newspaper. Now that's pretty good - I'm already leaning that way.

That way, it'll serve two purposes. It will alert the dog owners that we're not pleased having their animal's excrement on our driveway. And it will figuratively rub their noses in their dog's crap - while the rest of the town gets to watch.

What do you suggest we do?