Mrs. Jeff Cutler?

You can call Gretchen "Mrs. Jeff Cutler."

Or call Jeff "Mr. Gretchen Kinder."

Or call us "Mr. and Mrs. Cutler."

Whatever.

Just don't call us later for dinner. Or dunch. Or cocktail hour.

Gretchen DID choose to keep her maiden name as her primary last name. She is still, according to the rule of law, Gretchen Lynne Kinder. She has no deep attachment to her surname, and in fact has not even seen or spoken with her father for 30 years. But, she is known by many people as "GK" and couldn't bear to let that moniker go. At least for now.  And she didn't want to be one of those people who said, "I'm Gretchen Kinder at work, but Gretchen Cutler when I sign up for new dump sticker at the DPW, and Mrs. Jeff Cutler when I make charitable donations..." Life is too short for such complications.

We're thinking about this now because we were shopping for a new car this weekend. A car salesperson asked for our names and, when we gave her the two separate names, she remarked, "That's so cool! You are so modern!"

"Really?!" thought Gretchen? "How is this modern? In 2014? In Massachusetts?"

In fact, Gretchen's friendship circle is such that the women who DO take their husband's last names tend to apologize for it. And she has two friends who took their hubby's surnames ONLY when their betrothed exclaimed not doing so would be a marriage deal breaker.

While Gretchen has ambivalence about it, there is definitely a part of her that wants to be known as Jeff's wife, she is thrilled that Jeff sees her retention of the "K" in "-gk-" as a sexy sign of power.

If you are the type who gets hung up about etiquette, you may address mail to us as Ms. Gretchen Kinder and Mr. Jeff Cutler (the lady always comes first).

If you are the type who seeks to needle couples about their modernity, please know we won't care if you address a card or gift to Mr. and Mrs. Jeff Cutler. So find another way to needle us.

PS: Thanks for the gifts.

Our driveway isn't ours - or so you'd think.

CF and I have about had it with neighbors who allow their dogs to go the bathroom on our driveway. It's bad enough that people allow their pets to crap on lawns and on trails in the woods (hiking trails mind you!), but letting your dog dump one right on a driveway has got to be the most evil act ever.



What's the deal?

If you get a dog, you've signed on to look after and love that animal...FOR LIFE. That entails picking up after the animal, keeping it leashed (if that's the law) and training your pet so it doesn't terrorize humans.

Unfortunately, the same idiots who are having children and then letting them run rampant are the same geniuses who are buying dogs and then neglecting them after the novelty wears off. My newest cause is a waiting period for pet buyers - just like they have for gun purchasers.



Yes, we have an overpopulation problem in the kennels and pounds, but that doesn't mean we should be letting people with the IQ of a walnut acquire a living, feeling being that needs to be trained.

One of the discussions around the house has involved the moving of the automatic light sensor so it goes off whenever anything comes into the boundaries of the property. We've also discussed putting up signs.

Lastly, we talked about taking shifts sitting on the porch with the pellet gun.

To be clear, our driveway isn't paved and is often unused as we like to park on the street. But with the recent snowstorms we've moved into the parking pad. So, what makes a person walking their dog decide that it's a good idea to let their mutt crap in the same location as two automobiles?

Today it's rainy and 50 degrees, so the feces is starting to deteriorate and would adhere nicely to the bottom of my sneakers if I'm not careful. How about letting Fido crap near the telephone pole where nobody walks? Or better yet, bring a bag with you and pick it up!



I'm not sure what to do short of putting electrified fencing around the property line. Maybe I'll set up some motion cameras so I can track the animals that are crapping on the driveway and lawn and then email the photos to the newspaper. Now that's pretty good - I'm already leaning that way.

That way, it'll serve two purposes. It will alert the dog owners that we're not pleased having their animal's excrement on our driveway. And it will figuratively rub their noses in their dog's crap - while the rest of the town gets to watch.

What do you suggest we do?