Mrs. Jeff Cutler?

You can call Gretchen "Mrs. Jeff Cutler."

Or call Jeff "Mr. Gretchen Kinder."

Or call us "Mr. and Mrs. Cutler."

Whatever.

Just don't call us later for dinner. Or dunch. Or cocktail hour.

Gretchen DID choose to keep her maiden name as her primary last name. She is still, according to the rule of law, Gretchen Lynne Kinder. She has no deep attachment to her surname, and in fact has not even seen or spoken with her father for 30 years. But, she is known by many people as "GK" and couldn't bear to let that moniker go. At least for now.  And she didn't want to be one of those people who said, "I'm Gretchen Kinder at work, but Gretchen Cutler when I sign up for new dump sticker at the DPW, and Mrs. Jeff Cutler when I make charitable donations..." Life is too short for such complications.

We're thinking about this now because we were shopping for a new car this weekend. A car salesperson asked for our names and, when we gave her the two separate names, she remarked, "That's so cool! You are so modern!"

"Really?!" thought Gretchen? "How is this modern? In 2014? In Massachusetts?"

In fact, Gretchen's friendship circle is such that the women who DO take their husband's last names tend to apologize for it. And she has two friends who took their hubby's surnames ONLY when their betrothed exclaimed not doing so would be a marriage deal breaker.

While Gretchen has ambivalence about it, there is definitely a part of her that wants to be known as Jeff's wife, she is thrilled that Jeff sees her retention of the "K" in "-gk-" as a sexy sign of power.

If you are the type who gets hung up about etiquette, you may address mail to us as Ms. Gretchen Kinder and Mr. Jeff Cutler (the lady always comes first).

If you are the type who seeks to needle couples about their modernity, please know we won't care if you address a card or gift to Mr. and Mrs. Jeff Cutler. So find another way to needle us.

PS: Thanks for the gifts.

Top Ten Reasons You Know Jeff is Out of Town...

10. Gretchen makes a TVP casserole for dinner, and serves it with brown rice.
9. When you turn the TV on, the channel is tuned to the All Criminal Minds rerun channel - not ESPN.
8. The vacuum, and even the dishwasher, may be heard after 6:00 PM on a weekday evening.
7. The windows and curtains are open.
6. There are no dirty dishes in the sink, but the fridge may be accidentally left open.
5. Gretchen has only her anxiety, not Jeff's snoring, to blame for a poor night's sleep.
4. If Gretchen isn't sleeping, she's in shavasana in the living room, trying to relax.
3. Gretchen's socks and shoes match because she didn't get dressed in the dark while Jeff still slept.
2. Ducky (the cat) is crazily running around the house because there is no one home to monitor her comings and goings during the day.

And the #1 reason you know Jeff is out of town...

1. The wifi signal coming out of The Tiny Bungalow is full strength because Jeff isn't simultaneously editing photos, monitoring 18 different social media feeds, and playing banjo or bridge via skype with friends.

Save the cats!

Picture shamelessly lifted from http://bridesthrowingcats.com.

Gretchen neither threw her bouquet nor threw a cat at the wedding earlier this year.
If you think you would enjoy seeing brides throwing cats in lieu of bouquets, visit this website, http://bridesthrowingcats.com/

Getting Fatter (or Day One in Sonoma)

We were in Sonoma Valley - the heart of California Wine Country - for two days. On our first full day we drank:

• 61 ounces of beer (15, 3 oz. samples at Russian River Brewing Company in Santa Rosa plus a pint over dinner) - that's the equivalent of 5 bottles
• 70 ounces of wine (35, 2 oz. samples at Sterling, Benziger, Mayo, and Ty Caton Vineyards) - that's the equivalent of 14 glasses of wine or nearly 3 bottles.

It should be no wonder at all that, on our first full day in Sonoma we also ate (a) an entire pizza, (b) two mini loaves of bread, (c) two bowls of pasta, and (d) half a chicken.

We are grateful that we are only in Sonoma for another half day. If we had to be here longer it is uncertain if we'd fit into our airplane seats for the trip home with all this eating and drinking.

Married!

Gretchen's Vows

Do you know where I am right now? I am fully present, right here, net to a GIANT duck. In Brockton. Getting married to you. For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. I am choosing to tether my bliss to yours because, for some crazy reason, I love you with all my heart.

Like me, I know you have choices. You have control over what happens in your life. To make sure you choose me – choose us – I vow to:

• Pat you when you need it (and sometimes even when you just want it).
• Always have macaroni and cheese in the cupboard and drinks in the fridge.
• Tell you what I need to feel safe and loved.
• And go to social events with you, even if I'm exhausted or afraid. 

I PROMISE to be faithful, to be honest, and to continually err on the side of life (not work).

You know I believe that marriage is not happily ever after. Instead it is a commitment to grow together on our respective life journeys. And I know – I know – that in between the NCIS reruns and trips to Target, you and I will grow while experiencing moments of pure joy, deep passion, angry struggle, and, of course, rich laughter. Oh Jeff Cutler, I am so glad to be on this journey with you.

"Fulfillment" by Langston Hughes

Gretchen's mom read the poem "Fulfillment" by Langston Hughes during the ceremony. Enamored of the words and the sentiment, this is the only poem Gretchen has ever memorized.

The earth-meaning
Like the sky-meaning
Was fulfilled.

We got up
And went to the river,
Touched silver water,
Laughed and bathed
In the sunshine.

Day
Became a bright ball of light
For us to play with,
Sunset
A yellow curtain,
Night
A velvet screen.

The moon,
Like an old grandmother,
Blessed us with a kiss
And sleep
Took us both in
Laughing.