Sunday, January 31, 2010

Accepting our bodies

One of the great things about living with someone with a chronic illness is that there is no stone throwing when it comes to one's physical imperfections. I don't worry about Jeff eyeing my occasional, and nearly predictable, weight gain with suspicion. And I hope Jeff doesn't worry about any judgments that may briefly pass through my consciousness about the failings of his organs or his weight or the cowlicks on the back of his head.

Let the record show we both carry our own internal diatribes about our bodies - the focus may be our weight, digestion, or wrinkles. Or maybe we worry about heart and lung capacity, muscle strength and grey hair. Our internal complaints certainly seep into our shared life, occasionally poisoning our physical closeness or our ability to create spontaneous fun. And we deal with this when it happens. The good news, however, is that we don't exacerbate the physical anxieties of the other with snarky comments, snide observations, or non-verbal judgments.

This is one of the many reasons this relationship is peaceful and comforting to me.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A fight to end all fights

Not really, but we did have a hearty discussion last night about many things. You'd think that after going out for 3.5 years we'd know everything about each other. Not so.

But what's the result? Have I been sent packing with the good cat and my one shirt? Hardly.

From time to time a 'discussion' can help people grow a little closer and prove that adult communication isn't just pillow talk, chat over finances or mature discussion over why Scott Brown is better than Martyr Coakley.

No, talk can be loud (some might call it shouting) and irrational and angry. Because when that talk is done, the sorting out of feelings and thoughts gives you better insight into who you're with.

I think we both emerged from last night's discussion in better shape. And still in love.