Mrs. Jeff Cutler?

You can call Gretchen "Mrs. Jeff Cutler."

Or call Jeff "Mr. Gretchen Kinder."

Or call us "Mr. and Mrs. Cutler."

Whatever.

Just don't call us later for dinner. Or dunch. Or cocktail hour.

Gretchen DID choose to keep her maiden name as her primary last name. She is still, according to the rule of law, Gretchen Lynne Kinder. She has no deep attachment to her surname, and in fact has not even seen or spoken with her father for 30 years. But, she is known by many people as "GK" and couldn't bear to let that moniker go. At least for now.  And she didn't want to be one of those people who said, "I'm Gretchen Kinder at work, but Gretchen Cutler when I sign up for new dump sticker at the DPW, and Mrs. Jeff Cutler when I make charitable donations..." Life is too short for such complications.

We're thinking about this now because we were shopping for a new car this weekend. A car salesperson asked for our names and, when we gave her the two separate names, she remarked, "That's so cool! You are so modern!"

"Really?!" thought Gretchen? "How is this modern? In 2014? In Massachusetts?"

In fact, Gretchen's friendship circle is such that the women who DO take their husband's last names tend to apologize for it. And she has two friends who took their hubby's surnames ONLY when their betrothed exclaimed not doing so would be a marriage deal breaker.

While Gretchen has ambivalence about it, there is definitely a part of her that wants to be known as Jeff's wife, she is thrilled that Jeff sees her retention of the "K" in "-gk-" as a sexy sign of power.

If you are the type who gets hung up about etiquette, you may address mail to us as Ms. Gretchen Kinder and Mr. Jeff Cutler (the lady always comes first).

If you are the type who seeks to needle couples about their modernity, please know we won't care if you address a card or gift to Mr. and Mrs. Jeff Cutler. So find another way to needle us.

PS: Thanks for the gifts.

Top Ten Reasons You Know Jeff is Out of Town...

10. Gretchen makes a TVP casserole for dinner, and serves it with brown rice.
9. When you turn the TV on, the channel is tuned to the All Criminal Minds rerun channel - not ESPN.
8. The vacuum, and even the dishwasher, may be heard after 6:00 PM on a weekday evening.
7. The windows and curtains are open.
6. There are no dirty dishes in the sink, but the fridge may be accidentally left open.
5. Gretchen has only her anxiety, not Jeff's snoring, to blame for a poor night's sleep.
4. If Gretchen isn't sleeping, she's in shavasana in the living room, trying to relax.
3. Gretchen's socks and shoes match because she didn't get dressed in the dark while Jeff still slept.
2. Ducky (the cat) is crazily running around the house because there is no one home to monitor her comings and goings during the day.

And the #1 reason you know Jeff is out of town...

1. The wifi signal coming out of The Tiny Bungalow is full strength because Jeff isn't simultaneously editing photos, monitoring 18 different social media feeds, and playing banjo or bridge via skype with friends.

How does Gretchen and Jeff's registry work?

You can browse everything Gretchen and Jeff
might like from a variety of stores on the Internet at
http://www.myregistry.com/public/gretchenandjeff

Over the five years we have lived together we have negotiated a shared style that is thoughtful, eclectic, rustic, and quirky.

Given this we knew we couldn't find just ONE store that captured our style. So our wedding registry is designed to share with you items we like from around the Internet.

We use a service called Myregistry.com. This lets us add things from stores across the Internet to our registry. Stores ranging from Crate and Barrel to Napa Style to Target to Jackson and Perkins. You can view everything we would like at www.myregistry.com/public/gretchenandjeff

If our online registry is too confusing, please use this guide:

• The dishes we would like - to replace our shared collection of dishes left over from old relationships - are the La Rochere Napoleon Bee collection - available on Overstock.com - http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/La-Rochere-Napoleon-Bee-6-piece-Dinner-Plate-Set/3866787/product.html
• The silverware we would like - to replace our Dollar Store finds purchased in between relationships - is from the Stanton Collection at Crate and Barrel - http://www.crateandbarrel.com/Gift-Registry/Gretchen-Kinder-and-Jeff-Cutler/r4910258
• We want to do some landscaping around the house. So we've registered for rose bushes, forsythia and climbing hyrdrangea at Jackson and Perkins - http://www.jacksonandperkins.com/
• We have a duvet/quilt we love for our queen size bed from Garnet Hill 
• Towels and sheets from Kohls are a-ok with us. We decorate using warm fall colors - garnet red, rich teals, mossy greens, rich camels, etc. 
• We have registered for a wide range of cooking and home decor items at Crate and Barrel, and Williams-Sonoma.

There are many unique items you can find on our registry - Eiffel Tower bookends, hurricane lanterns made from recycled wine bottles, etc. We invite you to peek at the registry online - even if you don't buy online - to get a sense of our negotiated style. 

Or do nothing at all. Please remember, we both love presents, but this isn't why we're having a wedding. We're having a wedding to formalize our commitment to each other, and to share with you our excitement about living the rest of our lives together.

It doesn't get any better than this

SPOILER ALERT 

If you haven't seen The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel yet you might not want to read any further. 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog post....

We were watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel last night. Towards the end of the film an unhappy marriage ends with the wife leaving her husband of nearly 40 years with this sentiment, "We both deserve better than this."

Vaguely panicked by the melancholy statement, Gretchen turned to Jeff and said, "I don't want either of us to ever be in the position of saying 'I deserve better than this.'"

Jeff replied, "Don't worry, because we don't deserve any better than this."

As you might expect, this was followed with some good-natured and slightly hostile pinching.

Nursing his bruises, Jeff clarified, "What I MEANT was it can't possibly get any better than this, than us, together."

Jeff will be 48 and Gretchen will be 43 when they get married on August 17th. It is possible their marriage could last 40 years. They're both counting on the fact that their lives together will certainly get better, and minimally won't get any worse.

What do you do with your mate?

That's not a probing question, it's actually one that really wants to get at the heart of what occurs in your house on a lazy Sunday afternoon...or any day of the week.

Right now, I'm watching as Gretchen plays video games. Unlike when I was obsessed with N64 and other game systems, she uses these to unwind and also to fill time around her other projects. While working 70 hours a week has its benefits (I can't name any), she definitely needs time to set aside work for lighter pursuits.

I'm on the couch writing a self-imposed 11 blog posts in three hours as she plays - then the two of us will go to the supermarket together. Is that something you do as a couple? Is the guy in your house responsible for some things and the woman other things? *For the guy-guy or girl-girl houses, how do you break down the work?

And after work on a regular day, is there an assigned dinner maker? Is one night a week (a month, a year) your date night? Do you have a 20-minute daily debrief over a glass of wine and a Zima like we do?

From where we sit in the Bungalow, we like to think we're pretty normal. But maybe we have blinders on. What's your routine? What special things do you do? And what keeps the sparks flying?

How about it Mike, Jennifer, Gradon, Kevin, Chris, Derek, Bobbie, CC, Lois, Todd? Give us your thoughts - and share this with others.

We'd like to find out if we're going about life the right way or if we're odd people out when it comes to chores and enjoying each other's company.

Comments open....have at it.

Duped

Jeff called me at work at 3:40 PM to ask if I would be at the office in the next few minutes.

"I have a meeting at 4:00," I replied.

"Okay, I'll hurry over there. I have something to give you."

"Oooh!" thought I. Earlier in the day Jeff and I had a virtual exchange about the possibility of ice cream which didn't pan out. But I knew HE had gone for a scoop or three with a friend and I immediately assumed he was bringing me an ice cream treat as solace for my inability to get out of the office to get my own.

4:00 rolls around and there is no Jeff, so I head into the conference room to run what I think is going to be a 30 minute meeting. All the while I'm day dreaming about the ice cream sundae Jeff is bringing to me. "Will he know to put it in the freezer if I'm not at my desk?" I continue, "Maybe someone will tell him to find me in the conference room and he'll hand deliver a banana split." Panicked for a moment I also thought, "Gosh! What if the place gets locked up and he can't get in? Will he eat MY ice cream? Will he wait in the parking lot with it?"

I look up at the clock and realize the meeting has been dragging on for 70 minutes. I excuse myself and run to my office, imagining a small Ben and Jerry's cup in a ceremonious puddle on my desk. But no. What I find instead is a thermal bag from the Lindt chocolate store standing upright in the middle of my workspace. I think to myself, "Do they serve ice cream? Ohh! I bet it is good!" I open the bag eagerly and find three pounds of their famous truffles. "Huh. This is odd. I bet Jeff got them for free and he thought I might enjoy them because work has been SO stressful lately. It isn't ice cream, but it is nice."

I grab the bag and head back to the conference room where the meeting is breaking up. I open each of the bags of truffles and offer them to my colleagues, and then fill our chocolate bowl.

*****

Later I speak with Jeff and learn that the truffles weren't a gift for me, but rather candy he bought for himself that he wanted me to ferry around on his behalf.

*grumble*

Jeffronyms

Jeffronym (jeff-row-nim): An acronym for an activity/relationship that partially defines Jeff Cutler's life.

Why Jeffronyms? My sister lovingly complained earlier this week that she "had no idea what all of the "x"s mean in Jeff's Facebook updates." SXSW @ NOMX3? What DOES that mean? So I'm here to help you understand these acronyms so you can interpret and appreciate Jeff's life as I do. Have a Jeffronym not yet addressed here? Put it in the comments and we'll try to answer, or feel free to add your own Jeffronym here.

BMM (bee emm emm): BMM stands for Boston Media Makers, which is a monthly gathering of "media makers" (e.g. bloggers, video bloggers, twitters, etc.) for networking and professional horn tooting. They gather over breakfast at Boston's (in)famous Doyle's Cafe.

iRoadtrip (eye road trip): This was a road trip Jeff took with a group of four other social media gurus last year. They drove from Detroit, MI to Austin, TX (see SXSW below) in some sort of fancy Ford provided by, well, Ford Motor Company. Along the way they visited companies, like my beloved Zappos.com, that are doing interesting and innovative things with social media to reach out to their customers. This was a

NOMX3 (Nahm ex 3): Jeff's TV show he co-hosts with @mikelangford. NOMX3= nom x 3 or nom nom nom. Nom is geek speak for yummy. The TV show is like a talk show for guys, and involves eating lunch, thus the yummy yummy yummy or NOMX3.

RT (retweet): This Jeffronym is popping up on Facebook. It is actually Twitter speak for repeating something someone else has said on Twitter. People retweet if they read something particularly witty, smart or compelling. RT is also used for political reasons - to show your support for someone else's great work or to be noticed by someone you admire professionally or personally. While Jeff is an excellent writer he is humble and/or smart enough to pass along cool info he finds on Twitter.

SPJ (ess pee jay): Society of Professional Journalists, the professional organization of journalists. Jeff is the official social media trainer for SPJ, and he is flying all over the US delivering training for news organizations and journalists on the use of tools like Facebook to research stories, find sources, and deliver content.

SXSW (south by southwest): The annual social/new media conference Jeff attends in Austin, TX. It is sometimes called South By.

TTWA (things to worry about): Jeff's blog in which he inspires readers to be afraid of the things he is most afraid of.

WWJCE (double you, double you, jay cee, ee): What Would Jeff Cutler Eat, the picture blog that details on a meal-by-meal or snack-by-snack basis what Jeff has been ingesting. Want to know how many Twinkies one person could possibly eat in a single day? WWJCE can tell you. How much cheese can one man eat between lunch and dinner? WWJCE has the answers.

No Cat Disease

Childless by choice I often find myself having awkward conversations about babies with random strangers. In these conversations I give various explanations as to why Jeff and I choose not to have kids. "We love to travel and know we wouldn't have the money or the flexibility to travel the way we like to if we had kids," and "I give so much to children at work that I know there wouldn't be anything left over for my own children," are two of the more inane excuses. "I know parenting is a lot of work and I just don't have it in me," "We're both pretty selfish and would have a hard time with parenting," and "I've never had that burning desire to be a mom that drives so many women I know" are among the more honest and crass answers to the question, "Oh, you don't have kids? Why not?"

I was shopping for baby clothes for several friends who are in some state of pregnancy or new parenting the other day. A kindly older woman was ringing me out and making idle conversation about the pieces I had purchased. Inevitably she asked me if I had any kids. "No I replied. My partner has a chronic illness and he has decided NOT to take a risk and pass it on to any children." (This is a GREAT excuse to use if I want to abruptly end a conversation.) I continued with the sales clerk, "So we have the joy of visiting with other people's babies, and then going home together to be with our cats."

"Cats?" she said skeptically, "You have cats?" I felt a rush of judgment coming on. The clerk continued, "I've never met anyone who had a chronic illness who could also have a cat."

Dumbfounded I cocked my head at her and mentally began cataloguing all of the chronic diseases I knew of that didn't involve breathing - cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, Huntington's Disease, Addison's Disease, Crohn's Disease, Colitis, any number of heart ailments. The list could go on. Then I looked back at the clerk, politely accepted the bag of gifts I had just purchased and walked out of the store without saying another word.

A fight to end all fights

Not really, but we did have a hearty discussion last night about many things. You'd think that after going out for 3.5 years we'd know everything about each other. Not so.

But what's the result? Have I been sent packing with the good cat and my one shirt? Hardly.

From time to time a 'discussion' can help people grow a little closer and prove that adult communication isn't just pillow talk, chat over finances or mature discussion over why Scott Brown is better than Martyr Coakley.

No, talk can be loud (some might call it shouting) and irrational and angry. Because when that talk is done, the sorting out of feelings and thoughts gives you better insight into who you're with.

I think we both emerged from last night's discussion in better shape. And still in love.

A conversation

The set up: Jeff loves to buy domain names. It is one of his get rich schemes - someday someone will want to buy one of his domain names and be willing to pay $10 million for it. One of the domain names he bought two years ago is www.gretchencutler.com.

The name is now up for renewal. He either pays $8/year to keep the domain name, or it goes back into the pool to be potentially snatched up by someone else.

Jeff: "What do you want me to do with that domain name?"

Gretchen: "I don't know. I mean, if we were to get married in like TWENTY or THIRTY years I don't know if I'd take your last name."

Jeff, with great sincerity: "Yeah, I know."

Gretchen: "When I get all moony about wanting to get married to you I think that maybe I would take your last name. And I've never wanted to take someone's last name. And then I think, 'But I'm Gretchen Kinder. I've been Gretchen Kinder for 39 years'."

Jeff: "You are 39?"

Gretchen: "Hey, look at all of these cuts on my arm!" (She raises her arm to reveal a series of small scratches on the underside of her forearm.)

Jeff: "How did you get those?"

Gretchen: "From carrying too many grocery bags on my arm."

Jeff: "Maybe we should name you Gretchen Clutzo instead of Gretchen Cutler!"

Gretchen: "And maybe we should call YOU Jeff Clutter instead of Jeff Cutler."

Jeff: "Well played, well played."

Cats and discipline

I'm a softy when it comes to discipline...until I'm pushed to the edge.

While I'm not there yet, the cats could be sending me into a life of insomnia because I'm often worrying that they'll pluck out my eyes while I sleep.

Have you any advice for a concerned cat parent? Mostly I need to know so I don't hurl the cats across the little house.

Thanks.

Cat Crap and Other Delights of Feline Parenting

Have you ever stepped in cat poo on the way to the shower in the morning? Me neither. But it would be bad.

That doesn't mean it's not going to happen soon, because with two new kittens in the house there's an endless supply of kitten detritus at cat level all over our abode.

Here's a list...

Three crumpled receipts rescued by cats from various waste baskets

Two stuffed squeaky bones - a purple and a yellow

One plastic cage ball with bell inside

One tennis ball with a loose rubber bead inside

One hippo - stuffed

One plastic milk jug cap

One compass with long lanyard

One wicker garbage can - probably a former receipt repository

Two purple socks

One orange earplug

One yellow iPod sock

Four men's shoes

One squishy - stress-ball - turkey

One blue cup

What's on the floor around your house? Do you have kids or cats...and which are worse?

Wedding talk

It has begun. Just past the 2.5 year mark in the relationship and the discussions have begun.

Oh, not between us, between and among the rest of the universe.

That's right. Now neither of us can visit the hair dresser, the post office, the local bar, the strip joint, the gas station or even the coffee shop without some slightly random person walking up to us and saying, "hey, you two should really get married."

We understand that everyone loves a party. We also understand that this is our decision and with the need for a party being so strong in people, we urge them to go get married again or just have a party.

If/When we decide to get all official, our loved ones will be the first to know.

(This is likely the first in a long series of "get off our backs" posts on the topic of marriage.)

Our driveway isn't ours - or so you'd think.

CF and I have about had it with neighbors who allow their dogs to go the bathroom on our driveway. It's bad enough that people allow their pets to crap on lawns and on trails in the woods (hiking trails mind you!), but letting your dog dump one right on a driveway has got to be the most evil act ever.



What's the deal?

If you get a dog, you've signed on to look after and love that animal...FOR LIFE. That entails picking up after the animal, keeping it leashed (if that's the law) and training your pet so it doesn't terrorize humans.

Unfortunately, the same idiots who are having children and then letting them run rampant are the same geniuses who are buying dogs and then neglecting them after the novelty wears off. My newest cause is a waiting period for pet buyers - just like they have for gun purchasers.



Yes, we have an overpopulation problem in the kennels and pounds, but that doesn't mean we should be letting people with the IQ of a walnut acquire a living, feeling being that needs to be trained.

One of the discussions around the house has involved the moving of the automatic light sensor so it goes off whenever anything comes into the boundaries of the property. We've also discussed putting up signs.

Lastly, we talked about taking shifts sitting on the porch with the pellet gun.

To be clear, our driveway isn't paved and is often unused as we like to park on the street. But with the recent snowstorms we've moved into the parking pad. So, what makes a person walking their dog decide that it's a good idea to let their mutt crap in the same location as two automobiles?

Today it's rainy and 50 degrees, so the feces is starting to deteriorate and would adhere nicely to the bottom of my sneakers if I'm not careful. How about letting Fido crap near the telephone pole where nobody walks? Or better yet, bring a bag with you and pick it up!



I'm not sure what to do short of putting electrified fencing around the property line. Maybe I'll set up some motion cameras so I can track the animals that are crapping on the driveway and lawn and then email the photos to the newspaper. Now that's pretty good - I'm already leaning that way.

That way, it'll serve two purposes. It will alert the dog owners that we're not pleased having their animal's excrement on our driveway. And it will figuratively rub their noses in their dog's crap - while the rest of the town gets to watch.

What do you suggest we do?

Getting ready for the Holidays

Just had the party at my mother's and now decompressing with some Nog and some gift wrapping. And we did some gift unwrapping. As we sipped our 'Made in Somerville' 'nog drinks we each unwrapped one gift in honor of the start of Hanukkah. A pair of fleece lounge pants for Jeff and garden seeds for GK.



Lazy weekends where you can't go out and do stuff are far superior to those where you feel obligated to rush around like a maniac.

Home-age

How am I supposed to feel when I discover that Jeff has told his Tweeple that the work I did today is actually work HE did today? Dump run - I did it. Cookies to the dump people - that was me. Secret Santa gift wrapping - yup me. Prepare omelets - me again. Clean up after the delicious omelets - Jeff did that (NOT!). Hmmmm. I guess I could take it as a form of appreciation directed not at me, but towards the outside world - a form of homage. Yes! That's what it is. A homage to me. Perfect.

Jeff likes eggs and other things you might have missed.

Gretchen is making me do this. Don't ask me why the list has to have 16 things. Just bear with me. Here they are...16 things about me. Most of which will probably be lies just to get a reaction from readers. But some will be true.

16. My license says that I'm six-feet tall. OK. It doesn't say that anymore because I had pangs of conscience and changed it. But at one time I was officially six-feet tall. You see, while standing at the counter at the Registry of Motor Vehicles I overheard the enormous guy next to me say he was five-feet-ten-inches tall. I knew that I was actually 5'10" and I was easily half a foot shorter than him. So I decided - as I'm wont to do - to test the intelligence of the Registry folks. REGISTRY INTELLIGENCE FAIL. When I said I was six-feet, the woman didn't blink. She typed it in and I immediately got taller. Better than Bobby Brady, huh?

15. I believe that someday I'll be called to Hollywood to star in a movie. Don't know how. Don't know why. Just know it.

14. In a guise developed to snag chicks, I had business cards made up that had on them my name, the words The Corporation, and my dorm-room phone number. These were purchased during the Citibank Years - a time when I used plastic to buy everything from sneakers to snacks. They were also used a grand total of once. The cards worked miracles and my roommate and I ended up walking home from a local bar with two hotties. I don't know what he ended up doing, but again the conscience thing got in the way and I told her goodnight.

13. I'm paranoid that I might be autistic and have ADD...and that I'll be misdiagnosed as being just a normal teenager. Please shuffle these parts as you see fit. They work every which way.

12. My feet have gotten larger as I've gotten older. This might not be surprising, but they're supposed to slow down. In the last ten years I've gained a whole size. That's either the real deal OR shoe manufacturers have changed their sizing methods.

11. I cry during West Wing and Scrubs and even during some other television entertainment.

10. Remembering how long I should cook soft-boiled eggs still escapes me. Luckily I don't mind snacking on hard-boiled eggs and the incidence of raw eggs has dropped with practice.

9. Moving to a warmer climate is definitely in my thoughts when it remains 12 degrees out - like it is right now!

8. I once had my finger bitten off by a turtle. It grew back.

7. Wherever I travel, I adopt the local accent. It makes me feel closer to the natives. It's especially difficult in South Boston, Scotland and Jersey.

6. I get really annoyed at shows like CSI and NCIS that are based on real science but really rush results. Conversely, I allow Numb3rs to fly fast and loose with math and science. My prerogative, I guess.

5. My proudest moment was when I saved a Right Whale from swimming into the Cape Cod Canal.

4. My main goals for 2009 are to ride a century and to find an agent for my novel.

3. I'm a little worried that I'm losing my hearing.

2. I'm convinced that I'll either win the lottery or not win it. That way there's no disappointment.

1. I know that I'll push for a MUCH shorter list the next time we get Facebooked into doing something like this.