Mrs. Jeff Cutler?

You can call Gretchen "Mrs. Jeff Cutler."

Or call Jeff "Mr. Gretchen Kinder."

Or call us "Mr. and Mrs. Cutler."

Whatever.

Just don't call us later for dinner. Or dunch. Or cocktail hour.

Gretchen DID choose to keep her maiden name as her primary last name. She is still, according to the rule of law, Gretchen Lynne Kinder. She has no deep attachment to her surname, and in fact has not even seen or spoken with her father for 30 years. But, she is known by many people as "GK" and couldn't bear to let that moniker go. At least for now.  And she didn't want to be one of those people who said, "I'm Gretchen Kinder at work, but Gretchen Cutler when I sign up for new dump sticker at the DPW, and Mrs. Jeff Cutler when I make charitable donations..." Life is too short for such complications.

We're thinking about this now because we were shopping for a new car this weekend. A car salesperson asked for our names and, when we gave her the two separate names, she remarked, "That's so cool! You are so modern!"

"Really?!" thought Gretchen? "How is this modern? In 2014? In Massachusetts?"

In fact, Gretchen's friendship circle is such that the women who DO take their husband's last names tend to apologize for it. And she has two friends who took their hubby's surnames ONLY when their betrothed exclaimed not doing so would be a marriage deal breaker.

While Gretchen has ambivalence about it, there is definitely a part of her that wants to be known as Jeff's wife, she is thrilled that Jeff sees her retention of the "K" in "-gk-" as a sexy sign of power.

If you are the type who gets hung up about etiquette, you may address mail to us as Ms. Gretchen Kinder and Mr. Jeff Cutler (the lady always comes first).

If you are the type who seeks to needle couples about their modernity, please know we won't care if you address a card or gift to Mr. and Mrs. Jeff Cutler. So find another way to needle us.

PS: Thanks for the gifts.

Save the cats!

Picture shamelessly lifted from http://bridesthrowingcats.com.

Gretchen neither threw her bouquet nor threw a cat at the wedding earlier this year.
If you think you would enjoy seeing brides throwing cats in lieu of bouquets, visit this website, http://bridesthrowingcats.com/

Married!

Gretchen's Vows

Do you know where I am right now? I am fully present, right here, net to a GIANT duck. In Brockton. Getting married to you. For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. I am choosing to tether my bliss to yours because, for some crazy reason, I love you with all my heart.

Like me, I know you have choices. You have control over what happens in your life. To make sure you choose me – choose us – I vow to:

• Pat you when you need it (and sometimes even when you just want it).
• Always have macaroni and cheese in the cupboard and drinks in the fridge.
• Tell you what I need to feel safe and loved.
• And go to social events with you, even if I'm exhausted or afraid. 

I PROMISE to be faithful, to be honest, and to continually err on the side of life (not work).

You know I believe that marriage is not happily ever after. Instead it is a commitment to grow together on our respective life journeys. And I know – I know – that in between the NCIS reruns and trips to Target, you and I will grow while experiencing moments of pure joy, deep passion, angry struggle, and, of course, rich laughter. Oh Jeff Cutler, I am so glad to be on this journey with you.

"Fulfillment" by Langston Hughes

Gretchen's mom read the poem "Fulfillment" by Langston Hughes during the ceremony. Enamored of the words and the sentiment, this is the only poem Gretchen has ever memorized.

The earth-meaning
Like the sky-meaning
Was fulfilled.

We got up
And went to the river,
Touched silver water,
Laughed and bathed
In the sunshine.

Day
Became a bright ball of light
For us to play with,
Sunset
A yellow curtain,
Night
A velvet screen.

The moon,
Like an old grandmother,
Blessed us with a kiss
And sleep
Took us both in
Laughing.

"Finish each day..." by Ralph Waldo Emerson

After some squabbling over whether it was appropriate for Jeff to pen his own exegesis on love to be read at the wedding (Gretchen won that fight), Jeff spent some time considering the sentiment he wanted reflected in a short reading during the ceremony. Of the four he picked, each focused on living every day as if it were a new day, with the goal of living a life that is brilliantly exhausting. This is the one he eventually chose. 

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Curious about the other readings he considered?

How many slams does a screen door slam, by Shel Silverstein

Life should not be a journey..., by Hunter S. Thompson

RSVP Online

Invites are starting to trickle out for the big event on August 17th.

If you want to RSVP online, you can do so here: http://jeffandgretchen.blogspot.com/p/rsvp-online.html.

And yes, yes we know! If you are responding online, you aren't really saving a stamp, because the response cards were all pre-stamped.

This is happening!

So the invitations are officially out the door to our guests who are traveling from far away. This is really happening! We're getting married!

How does Gretchen and Jeff's registry work?

You can browse everything Gretchen and Jeff
might like from a variety of stores on the Internet at
http://www.myregistry.com/public/gretchenandjeff

Over the five years we have lived together we have negotiated a shared style that is thoughtful, eclectic, rustic, and quirky.

Given this we knew we couldn't find just ONE store that captured our style. So our wedding registry is designed to share with you items we like from around the Internet.

We use a service called Myregistry.com. This lets us add things from stores across the Internet to our registry. Stores ranging from Crate and Barrel to Napa Style to Target to Jackson and Perkins. You can view everything we would like at www.myregistry.com/public/gretchenandjeff

If our online registry is too confusing, please use this guide:

• The dishes we would like - to replace our shared collection of dishes left over from old relationships - are the La Rochere Napoleon Bee collection - available on Overstock.com - http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/La-Rochere-Napoleon-Bee-6-piece-Dinner-Plate-Set/3866787/product.html
• The silverware we would like - to replace our Dollar Store finds purchased in between relationships - is from the Stanton Collection at Crate and Barrel - http://www.crateandbarrel.com/Gift-Registry/Gretchen-Kinder-and-Jeff-Cutler/r4910258
• We want to do some landscaping around the house. So we've registered for rose bushes, forsythia and climbing hyrdrangea at Jackson and Perkins - http://www.jacksonandperkins.com/
• We have a duvet/quilt we love for our queen size bed from Garnet Hill 
• Towels and sheets from Kohls are a-ok with us. We decorate using warm fall colors - garnet red, rich teals, mossy greens, rich camels, etc. 
• We have registered for a wide range of cooking and home decor items at Crate and Barrel, and Williams-Sonoma.

There are many unique items you can find on our registry - Eiffel Tower bookends, hurricane lanterns made from recycled wine bottles, etc. We invite you to peek at the registry online - even if you don't buy online - to get a sense of our negotiated style. 

Or do nothing at all. Please remember, we both love presents, but this isn't why we're having a wedding. We're having a wedding to formalize our commitment to each other, and to share with you our excitement about living the rest of our lives together.

What was your favorite part of wedding planning?

As of this morning we FINALLY have the big things done for our August wedding day:
Venue - Check
Caterer - Check
Florist - Check
Musicians/DJ - Check
Officiant - Check
Cake - Check
Photographer - Check
Dress - Check
Invites - Check

Now we are moving onto the little details. Things like finding embellishments to to package the invitations together, deciding aisle runner or no aisle runner, and selecting music for the ceremony.

There is no David Tutera on hand to help us. Thankfully Gretchen relishes considering the small details (while Jeff wants little to do with any of it).

Bickering over some of the minute decisions made us wonder - what were your favorite parts of planning your wedding? (Or planning a child's or friend's wedding?) What parts gave you the heebie jeebies?

It doesn't get any better than this

SPOILER ALERT 

If you haven't seen The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel yet you might not want to read any further. 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog post....

We were watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel last night. Towards the end of the film an unhappy marriage ends with the wife leaving her husband of nearly 40 years with this sentiment, "We both deserve better than this."

Vaguely panicked by the melancholy statement, Gretchen turned to Jeff and said, "I don't want either of us to ever be in the position of saying 'I deserve better than this.'"

Jeff replied, "Don't worry, because we don't deserve any better than this."

As you might expect, this was followed with some good-natured and slightly hostile pinching.

Nursing his bruises, Jeff clarified, "What I MEANT was it can't possibly get any better than this, than us, together."

Jeff will be 48 and Gretchen will be 43 when they get married on August 17th. It is possible their marriage could last 40 years. They're both counting on the fact that their lives together will certainly get better, and minimally won't get any worse.

Saving the date and planning ahead

We were engaged to be married on 12/12/12. Hooray!

And now we're planning a wedding for 8/17/2013, just two days shy of the anniversary of our first date, seven years ago.

If you have received a save the date card from us, we hope you can come to the party. (And if you haven't, I'm sorry - our budget allows only so many people to join us on the 17th. We have zillions of people we want to celebrate with, so we're planning a handful of other events. Stay tuned!)

So back to those of you who received a save the date card. We DO hope you can join us on the South Shore of Boston for our wedding.

Overnight accommodations 

If you need a place to stay for the weekend please consider staying at the Holiday Inn in Rockland. They have been kind enough to set aside a block of rooms for us at a special rate. Their number is 781-871-0545. Make the reservation BEFORE April 16th and use the code KCW to get the special rates.

(If you don't want to stay at the Holiday Inn in Rockland, no worries. we won't lose anything if all the rooms aren't used.)

Registry 

There are many schools of thought on registries - ranging from "They make you look greedy," to "They are really helpful." We've decided to share our registry here in the spirit of being helpful.

We've created an online registry using the tool MyRegistry.com. This is a cool website that lets you put items from around the Internet on your registry - so you aren't limited to items available in one or two stores. This also aggregates registries from some of the biggies (e.g. Crate and Barrel, Target, etc.) into one place. (We ARE registered at Crate and Barrel, William and Sonoma and Pottery Barn.)

So, hop online to look at our registry. If you want to buy us a gift, (a) thank you, and (b) consider the online list as a guide to our style, rather than a mandate. We both love to shop and appreciate that you might want to go to a real store to have some fun thinking about what gift would appropriately demonstrate your feelings our wedding and future life together.

More details on the wedding, showers, TweetUps, and bachelor parties are coming soon!