Married!

Gretchen's Vows

Do you know where I am right now? I am fully present, right here, net to a GIANT duck. In Brockton. Getting married to you. For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. I am choosing to tether my bliss to yours because, for some crazy reason, I love you with all my heart.

Like me, I know you have choices. You have control over what happens in your life. To make sure you choose me – choose us – I vow to:

• Pat you when you need it (and sometimes even when you just want it).
• Always have macaroni and cheese in the cupboard and drinks in the fridge.
• Tell you what I need to feel safe and loved.
• And go to social events with you, even if I'm exhausted or afraid. 

I PROMISE to be faithful, to be honest, and to continually err on the side of life (not work).

You know I believe that marriage is not happily ever after. Instead it is a commitment to grow together on our respective life journeys. And I know – I know – that in between the NCIS reruns and trips to Target, you and I will grow while experiencing moments of pure joy, deep passion, angry struggle, and, of course, rich laughter. Oh Jeff Cutler, I am so glad to be on this journey with you.

"Fulfillment" by Langston Hughes

Gretchen's mom read the poem "Fulfillment" by Langston Hughes during the ceremony. Enamored of the words and the sentiment, this is the only poem Gretchen has ever memorized.

The earth-meaning
Like the sky-meaning
Was fulfilled.

We got up
And went to the river,
Touched silver water,
Laughed and bathed
In the sunshine.

Day
Became a bright ball of light
For us to play with,
Sunset
A yellow curtain,
Night
A velvet screen.

The moon,
Like an old grandmother,
Blessed us with a kiss
And sleep
Took us both in
Laughing.

"Finish each day..." by Ralph Waldo Emerson

After some squabbling over whether it was appropriate for Jeff to pen his own exegesis on love to be read at the wedding (Gretchen won that fight), Jeff spent some time considering the sentiment he wanted reflected in a short reading during the ceremony. Of the four he picked, each focused on living every day as if it were a new day, with the goal of living a life that is brilliantly exhausting. This is the one he eventually chose. 

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Curious about the other readings he considered?

How many slams does a screen door slam, by Shel Silverstein

Life should not be a journey..., by Hunter S. Thompson

How does Gretchen and Jeff's registry work?

You can browse everything Gretchen and Jeff
might like from a variety of stores on the Internet at
http://www.myregistry.com/public/gretchenandjeff

Over the five years we have lived together we have negotiated a shared style that is thoughtful, eclectic, rustic, and quirky.

Given this we knew we couldn't find just ONE store that captured our style. So our wedding registry is designed to share with you items we like from around the Internet.

We use a service called Myregistry.com. This lets us add things from stores across the Internet to our registry. Stores ranging from Crate and Barrel to Napa Style to Target to Jackson and Perkins. You can view everything we would like at www.myregistry.com/public/gretchenandjeff

If our online registry is too confusing, please use this guide:

• The dishes we would like - to replace our shared collection of dishes left over from old relationships - are the La Rochere Napoleon Bee collection - available on Overstock.com - http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/La-Rochere-Napoleon-Bee-6-piece-Dinner-Plate-Set/3866787/product.html
• The silverware we would like - to replace our Dollar Store finds purchased in between relationships - is from the Stanton Collection at Crate and Barrel - http://www.crateandbarrel.com/Gift-Registry/Gretchen-Kinder-and-Jeff-Cutler/r4910258
• We want to do some landscaping around the house. So we've registered for rose bushes, forsythia and climbing hyrdrangea at Jackson and Perkins - http://www.jacksonandperkins.com/
• We have a duvet/quilt we love for our queen size bed from Garnet Hill 
• Towels and sheets from Kohls are a-ok with us. We decorate using warm fall colors - garnet red, rich teals, mossy greens, rich camels, etc. 
• We have registered for a wide range of cooking and home decor items at Crate and Barrel, and Williams-Sonoma.

There are many unique items you can find on our registry - Eiffel Tower bookends, hurricane lanterns made from recycled wine bottles, etc. We invite you to peek at the registry online - even if you don't buy online - to get a sense of our negotiated style. 

Or do nothing at all. Please remember, we both love presents, but this isn't why we're having a wedding. We're having a wedding to formalize our commitment to each other, and to share with you our excitement about living the rest of our lives together.

It doesn't get any better than this

SPOILER ALERT 

If you haven't seen The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel yet you might not want to read any further. 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog post....

We were watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel last night. Towards the end of the film an unhappy marriage ends with the wife leaving her husband of nearly 40 years with this sentiment, "We both deserve better than this."

Vaguely panicked by the melancholy statement, Gretchen turned to Jeff and said, "I don't want either of us to ever be in the position of saying 'I deserve better than this.'"

Jeff replied, "Don't worry, because we don't deserve any better than this."

As you might expect, this was followed with some good-natured and slightly hostile pinching.

Nursing his bruises, Jeff clarified, "What I MEANT was it can't possibly get any better than this, than us, together."

Jeff will be 48 and Gretchen will be 43 when they get married on August 17th. It is possible their marriage could last 40 years. They're both counting on the fact that their lives together will certainly get better, and minimally won't get any worse.

Squirt

A piece of asparagus accidentally squirted out of my mouth tonight while Jeff and I were at fancy Valentine's Day dinner. We were at one of the most reputable sushi places in Boston and I was eating a beef/shrimp roll stuffed with asparagus and scallion smothered in teriyaki sauce. The 3/4" piece of asparagus slid between the shrimp and scallion inside the beef roll, arced out of my mouth and landed on the table in the middle of Jeff and me.

And then I almost died laughing. Really she said.

Wedding talk

It has begun. Just past the 2.5 year mark in the relationship and the discussions have begun.

Oh, not between us, between and among the rest of the universe.

That's right. Now neither of us can visit the hair dresser, the post office, the local bar, the strip joint, the gas station or even the coffee shop without some slightly random person walking up to us and saying, "hey, you two should really get married."

We understand that everyone loves a party. We also understand that this is our decision and with the need for a party being so strong in people, we urge them to go get married again or just have a party.

If/When we decide to get all official, our loved ones will be the first to know.

(This is likely the first in a long series of "get off our backs" posts on the topic of marriage.)