It doesn't get any better than this

SPOILER ALERT 

If you haven't seen The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel yet you might not want to read any further. 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog post....

We were watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel last night. Towards the end of the film an unhappy marriage ends with the wife leaving her husband of nearly 40 years with this sentiment, "We both deserve better than this."

Vaguely panicked by the melancholy statement, Gretchen turned to Jeff and said, "I don't want either of us to ever be in the position of saying 'I deserve better than this.'"

Jeff replied, "Don't worry, because we don't deserve any better than this."

As you might expect, this was followed with some good-natured and slightly hostile pinching.

Nursing his bruises, Jeff clarified, "What I MEANT was it can't possibly get any better than this, than us, together."

Jeff will be 48 and Gretchen will be 43 when they get married on August 17th. It is possible their marriage could last 40 years. They're both counting on the fact that their lives together will certainly get better, and minimally won't get any worse.

Pinterest

Gretchen has surprised herself by loving to talk about the wedding. Jeff, not surprisingly, can handle ten minutes of discussion before allowing his boredom (or anxiety) to completely distract him.

Do you love to talk wedding? Pop over to Gretchen's wedding Pinterest board to see some of the ideas being floated around.  Her username is Clownface3.

Saving the date and planning ahead

We were engaged to be married on 12/12/12. Hooray!

And now we're planning a wedding for 8/17/2013, just two days shy of the anniversary of our first date, seven years ago.

If you have received a save the date card from us, we hope you can come to the party. (And if you haven't, I'm sorry - our budget allows only so many people to join us on the 17th. We have zillions of people we want to celebrate with, so we're planning a handful of other events. Stay tuned!)

So back to those of you who received a save the date card. We DO hope you can join us on the South Shore of Boston for our wedding.

Overnight accommodations 

If you need a place to stay for the weekend please consider staying at the Holiday Inn in Rockland. They have been kind enough to set aside a block of rooms for us at a special rate. Their number is 781-871-0545. Make the reservation BEFORE April 16th and use the code KCW to get the special rates.

(If you don't want to stay at the Holiday Inn in Rockland, no worries. we won't lose anything if all the rooms aren't used.)

Registry 

There are many schools of thought on registries - ranging from "They make you look greedy," to "They are really helpful." We've decided to share our registry here in the spirit of being helpful.

We've created an online registry using the tool MyRegistry.com. This is a cool website that lets you put items from around the Internet on your registry - so you aren't limited to items available in one or two stores. This also aggregates registries from some of the biggies (e.g. Crate and Barrel, Target, etc.) into one place. (We ARE registered at Crate and Barrel, William and Sonoma and Pottery Barn.)

So, hop online to look at our registry. If you want to buy us a gift, (a) thank you, and (b) consider the online list as a guide to our style, rather than a mandate. We both love to shop and appreciate that you might want to go to a real store to have some fun thinking about what gift would appropriately demonstrate your feelings our wedding and future life together.

More details on the wedding, showers, TweetUps, and bachelor parties are coming soon!

What do you do with your mate?

That's not a probing question, it's actually one that really wants to get at the heart of what occurs in your house on a lazy Sunday afternoon...or any day of the week.

Right now, I'm watching as Gretchen plays video games. Unlike when I was obsessed with N64 and other game systems, she uses these to unwind and also to fill time around her other projects. While working 70 hours a week has its benefits (I can't name any), she definitely needs time to set aside work for lighter pursuits.

I'm on the couch writing a self-imposed 11 blog posts in three hours as she plays - then the two of us will go to the supermarket together. Is that something you do as a couple? Is the guy in your house responsible for some things and the woman other things? *For the guy-guy or girl-girl houses, how do you break down the work?

And after work on a regular day, is there an assigned dinner maker? Is one night a week (a month, a year) your date night? Do you have a 20-minute daily debrief over a glass of wine and a Zima like we do?

From where we sit in the Bungalow, we like to think we're pretty normal. But maybe we have blinders on. What's your routine? What special things do you do? And what keeps the sparks flying?

How about it Mike, Jennifer, Gradon, Kevin, Chris, Derek, Bobbie, CC, Lois, Todd? Give us your thoughts - and share this with others.

We'd like to find out if we're going about life the right way or if we're odd people out when it comes to chores and enjoying each other's company.

Comments open....have at it.

The Gift of the Magi

For Christmas this year I gave Jeff a mini bamboo steamer for cooking shumai and gyoza snacks. He gave me a bamboo steamer for cooking vegetables.

For Christmas this year I gave Jeff two poach pods for cooking poached eggs. He gave me fried egg molds for cooking eggs in the shape of roosters.

A sign perhaps, that we were meant to be together? At least for the next year?

In for a penny, in for a pound

$ 617 - New couch
$ 800 - Plumber to replace the water heater on the weekend
$ 120 - "Donation" to Animal Rescue League of Boston as a thanks for getting our
cat out of the neighbor's tree
$ 260 - New BBQ grill and various accoutrement
$ 300 - Trip to Syracuse to visit Gretchen's family
------
$2,097
That's how much we've shelled out in the last three weeks for various and extraordinary house expenses.

To be fair we've brought in cash too.
$111 - Garage sale proceeds
$150 - Sale of the futon
$600 - Garage sale proceeds of two year ago
-----
$860 - That's our cash in hand to cover these expenses

So, the total we've shelled out in the last three weeks is only $1,237. Maybe not as high as $2,097, but still overwhelming. Gulp.

One of the upsides of the cash spent is that we've decided to build a joint checking/savings account to pay monthly expenses and to build a slush fund for things like hot water heaters and vacation.

We may not be getting married (yet) but if we're in for $1,237 we're in it for the long haul.

Ideal party

We hosted an impromptu BBQ last night, for all of the very very smart people who didn't schlep to the Cape this weekend.

The idea for the party was started when a girlfriend and I, while enjoying a workday lunch in Somerville's Union Square, realized our grad school gang had not seen each other in a while. She said she'd host a party, but then agreed to let me and Jeff host so we could invite other friends. The vision I had was a backyard filled with people, playing badminton while laughed echoed off the porch.

About 90 minutes before the party, while reflecting on the nine definite RSVPs which included Jeff's parents and godmother, Jeff asked me how I was feeling. Only one of my grad school pals was on the "yes" list for the party. One never even replied in spite of an email and a follow-up phone call. He then said, "I feel bad that you put so much energy into planning these parties, and then always end up being for my friends and family. I think you need to plan around them better."

My reply, "I give up too much of my own desires already. I don't want to plan parties around people who are inconsistent. I think what I need to do is adjust my expectations of the people I call my friends, particularly those with young children. Between their obligations to their children and their own families, and the alleged difficulty of traveling with kids, I can't count on them to be present when I want them to be."

Jeff countered, "I think many people don't realize the point of dragging yourself out of the house is to spend time with people you care about. If the venue is less than ideal - maybe you don't want to go to that golf tournament, or concert, or bat mitzvah - but you do want to see the person who invited you. So just go and be with the people you care about."

With that as the reflective thought for the day, we headed into the party. Jeff's best friend from childhood and his lovely wife were the first to arrive. Followed by Jeff's godmother and his parents. We sipped water and wine and caught up with one another. Then our neighbors arrived, the wife a friend of Jeff's, with their 15 year-old son, who promptly got to work setting up the badminton "court" and exploring the bocce set laid out on the dry grass. We started cooking, laying out the meager but delicious potluck. Then, to my surprise, two friends from graduate school arrived. One sans her 3 year-old daughter and the other with her two young boys in tow. We all got food and drink and settled into the grass to reconnect. When the badminton set was fully assembled we popped up and played three or four horrible but fun games while Jeff's dad took photos from the porch. As the end of the party the neighbor and her family were still here, along with two friends - sweethearts - Jeff and I have both met through social media. We did a little trash talking, poked around on the Internet and generally relaxed with one another.

It all felt nearly perfect. What would have made it perfect? If my family had been there too, and maybe a relaxed board game or card game at the end of the evening.

And, because there was such a tiny crowd, clean-up was a breeze.

The lesson for me? It's not entirely who's in the room but how you use the time that makes the ideal party.